More Medical Chart Bloopers – Chart Farts ®

Chart Farts (R) are hilarious medical charting errors

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my snide comments in italics and parentheses)… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

  • I had a bisectomy ’cause of all them damn kids (it’s a shame it wasn’t done a generation earlier)
  • Condition on Transfer: Much better than on presentation
  • Assessment: Palpitations – please see monitor (What’s next? Systolic murmur – go ahead and listen with a stethoscope)
  • I had a cartridge taken out of my knee (I hear you get a rebate for recycling those at Staples)
  • He is blind in his right prosthesis (Dude, everyone is blind in their prosthesis)
  • Echo with tumor vs trombus (one of those Jamaican clots)
  • Social history: He used to abuse drugs remotely (boy… the technology today…)
  • ROS: Neurological – no ambition
  • Based on lab data, he has a stable perianal itch. (Number 1 – Is an ‘itch’ ever stable? Number 2 – What lab data?!)
  • Old Timer’s
  • Oldheimer’s
  • Discharge Diagnosis: Viral bacterial pneumonia
  • Seashore disorder (We medical-types call them ‘seizures’)
  • Chief Complaint: Responsive
  • Admission diagnosis: Seizurettes (We medical-types call them ‘girly man seizures’)
  • History of bipolar diarrhea (You should see the manic phase)
  • Failure to dehydrate
  • He could not stop vomiting diarreah
  • Electric lytes
  • Cardiac capitalization
  • Follow up with vascular urine
  • Increased aggitation to sedation
  • Height: 163cm, Weight: 10.3Kg, BMI 3
  • We did not repeat an EKG because we have an EF from a month ago.
  • history of peripheral vascular disease in both lungs
  • She has a drug addition problem (1 dose of painkillers = 2 dilaudids, 2 percocets, & a sniff o’ glue)
  • O2 sat: 110% on room air
  • His culture grew citrus bacteria
  • Nosacomical pneumonia (Not so ‘comical’ to the hospital bean counters)
  • A chest CT on the 10th was negative for intracranial hemorrhage
  • Europathy (Thankfully, President Bush is recovering… after those Freedom Biotics

Follow GiggleMed on Twitter for some hilarious Chart Farts® and random medical funnies:

 Funny healthcare humor and chart bloopers on Twitter


50% Complete

Chart Farts

Get hilarious medical chart bloopers in your inbox. Every two weeks or so, you'll get a big belly laugh :) Sign up below and verify your email. After that, we are not responsible for any incontinence.