More Medical Chart Bloopers – Chart Farts ®
It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my snide comments in italics and parentheses)… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)
- I had a bisectomy ’cause of all them damn kids (it’s a shame it wasn’t done a generation earlier)
- Condition on Transfer: Much better than on presentation
- Assessment: Palpitations – please see monitor (What’s next? Systolic murmur – go ahead and listen with a stethoscope)
- I had a cartridge taken out of my knee (I hear you get a rebate for recycling those at Staples)
- He is blind in his right prosthesis (Dude, everyone is blind in their prosthesis)
- Echo with tumor vs trombus (one of those Jamaican clots)
- Social history: He used to abuse drugs remotely (boy… the technology today…)
- ROS: Neurological – no ambition
- Based on lab data, he has a stable perianal itch. (Number 1 – Is an ‘itch’ ever stable? Number 2 – What lab data?!)
- Old Timer’s
- Oldheimer’s
- Discharge Diagnosis: Viral bacterial pneumonia
- Seashore disorder (We medical-types call them ‘seizures’)
- Chief Complaint: Responsive
- Admission diagnosis: Seizurettes (We medical-types call them ‘girly man seizures’)
- History of bipolar diarrhea (You should see the manic phase)
- Failure to dehydrate
- He could not stop vomiting diarreah
- Electric lytes
- Cardiac capitalization
- Follow up with vascular urine
- Increased aggitation to sedation
- Height: 163cm, Weight: 10.3Kg, BMI 3
- We did not repeat an EKG because we have an EF from a month ago.
- history of peripheral vascular disease in both lungs
- She has a drug addition problem (1 dose of painkillers = 2 dilaudids, 2 percocets, & a sniff o’ glue)
- O2 sat: 110% on room air
- His culture grew citrus bacteria
- Nosacomical pneumonia (Not so ‘comical’ to the hospital bean counters)
- A chest CT on the 10th was negative for intracranial hemorrhage
- Europathy (Thankfully, President Bush is recovering… after those Freedom Biotics)
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