More Medical Chart Funnies and Bloopers – Chart Farts®

 Chart Farts® are hilarious malapropisms and medical chart errors

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics)… Here’s another group of funny medical malapropisms for you. All of these are from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

  • Analpril 1.25mg Q8hrs (Is that for hyper-sphincter-tension?)
  • Nasal packaging
  • Nasal fungal cream
  • He lives with his finance (So… are you thinking about your patient or the stock market?)
  • Retrocele (Now in paisley!)
  • Secular aneurysm (Will need intervention from the Surgical Right)
  • She is on 93 Liters of oxygen (All of the latest hospital facilities come with wind tunnels)
  • Wingworms (Sounds like something from the Princess Bride)
  • Bypolor
  • He has recently been on both aspirin, Plavix, prednisone, and Coumadin
  • “Pain med: “”given”” Where/route: “”in room”” (Well… Thank you Nurse Sherlock)
  • Breeding ulcer (No comment… uh… ok, one comment… We should discuss strategies on lower k values.)
  • ROS: Unobtainable secondary to patient’s mental status change and I am unable to follow commands. (I bet)
  • Chief complaint: Clogged tube (You’re gonna have to be a little more specific)
  • Chief complaint: uncontrollable bowel movement (Like that damn pink little bunny with the drums)
  • Uncontrolled left labrial cellulitis
  • Buttock, lower back, and neck pain from assa (I’m not quite sure what assa is, but it should probably be taken off of the market)
  • Chief complaint: Debility
  • Pericardial tachycardia
  • Reason for ER visit: Dates and anatomy (Dude, now that’s high risk behavior if I ever heard it)
  • History of psychoptosis (Doesn’t it sorta suck when your brain explodes?)
  • History of bump bleedin
  • chronic obesity (As opposed to the much more shocking acute form)
  • Will sue high dose furosemide to force diuresis
  • Hide-a-scan
  • Bi geminis (Not that there’s anything wrong with that… at least if your EF is okay)
  • History of grouch in my feet (Grouch, gouch, the gout… it’s all the same)
  • Mr. H is an 823-year old Caucasian male patient who was actually transferred here from another hospital.
  • Bariatric enema (Every nurse’s nightmare)

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Chart Farts

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