It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my snide comments in italics and parentheses)… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• I had a bisectomy ’cause of all them damn kids (it’s a shame it wasn’t done a generation earlier)
• Condition on Transfer: Much better than on presentation
• Assessment: Palpitations – please see monitor (What’s next? Systolic murmur – go ahead and listen with a stethoscope)
• I had a cartridge taken out of my knee (I hear you get a rebate for recycling those at Staples)
• He is blind in his right prosthesis (Dude, everyone is blind in their prosthesis)
• Echo with tumor vs trombus (one of those Jamaican clots)
• Social history: He used to abuse drugs remotely (boy… the technology today…)
• ROS: Neurological – no ambition
• Based on lab data, he has a stable perianal itch. (Number 1 – Is an ‘itch’ ever stable? Number 2 – What lab data?!)
• Old Timer’s
• Oldheimer’s
• Discharge Dia
...

Hand washing is, of course, a major concern in the healthcare setting. Too often, though, the infection control campaigns that hospitals and large organizations role out are boring, dry, or even counter-productive (when using negative social proof – “Only 40% of our physicians are using proper hand washing techniques”).

If you really want to control infection, improve hand washing technique, increase compliance, etc… then stop being so stuffy about it. You can be boring or you can be effective.
If you want effective infection control, try something people will remember.

Feel free to use this image in your talks and presentations (as long as you include the attribution to GiggleMed.com). Just right click on the image & choose “Save As…” (PC) or “Save Image As…” (Mac). By the way, watch for the new GiggleMed.com exclusive members only area. Coming very soon. (Why am I mentioning it here? (1) To get all of the people asking me about it off of my back, (2) You will have access to hundre...

Courtesy of NYMC Follies 2011, here is a very well done parody of the movie Inception. This time, of course, involving the bowels.

Intussusception was performed by medical students at New York Medical College. They shot the complete trailer in one day.

It’s clean (well, as clean as intussusception could possibly be). It’s funny. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. Check it out:

Funny medical music parody of life with a hernia by Weird Al Yankovic. Especially funny for medical professionals because he actually covers quite a bit of relevant material.

You can see other funny medical humor versions of songs here: 

With the way reimbursement is going and the trend with lots of physician practices being consumed by local health systems, it’s only a matter of time until some of the remaining outliers find creative ways to keep their practices afloat… like say, this guy… Check out this funny “joint” venture comic.

For you opportunists out there, this might be a good time to open a snack shop next to your practice. Maybe you could work some sort of Medical Marijuana Munchies Combo Deal.

OK… Here’s a funny take on pharma marketing with a fake commercial video about a combination drug from “Eli Willy”. Check out the hilarious tag line:

Asplavadin – If you’re not bleeding from somewhere, you should probably take another.

This was sent in by a colleague. Comment here or go to his YouTube Channel and comment there (and tell him to make more videos) :)

If you have some medical humor of your own, send it our way. ( funnystuff [at] gigglemed.com )

Medical educators update their materials to mirror the familiar educational videos of childhood for the current student:

• Finding Pneumo
• Blue’s Wheezes
• Dora the Practionora
• Mickey’s Observation Unit
• Curious George and the Cirrhotic Man
• Ten Patients About to Drop – Time Management from Dr. Suess
• Beauty and the Yeast
• Conflict resolution with Bert and Ernie

Without question, the most famous quote from A Few Good Men came from the dialogue between Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise in the court room. Well, here’s a similar conversation, but this time, in an ER: 

ER nurse: You want answers?

Intern: I think I’m entitled to them.

ER nurse: You want answers?

Intern: I want the truth!

ER nurse: You want the truth?! You can’t handle the truth! Son, we work in an overcrowded ER that has patients in the halls. And those halls have to be cleared to make room for more sick people. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Mr. Brand New Intern? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for weekly hour requirements and you curse the Policy. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that the speed with which patients are admitted, while inconvenient for you, probably saves lives.

And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives…You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places ...

Here’s an account of the events that led up to the reporting of Kris Kringle’s medical record:

‘Twas the call before Christmas – by GiggleMed.com

‘Twas the call before Christmas, when all through the floors
Not a patient was restless, not even Old Claus
The nurses were standing at the station, just chatting
each avoiding the word “quiet”, (…you know what could happen)

Med students were dismissed home early for the night
with pages of Cecil’s or Sabiston’s to get just right
And my resident in her long coat, and I in my scrubs
had just resigned our bodies to cold, cafe grub.

When from our pagers, there beeped such a note,
We flew from the lounge heading straight for the code
not the elevators (too slow), I hit the steps
time for some aerobics, then A-C-L-S.

The door to the unit slammed ‘gainst the wall
deepening a dent where it had hit before
When, what to my wondering eyes should manifest
But a pint-sized doc compressing a chest

With a shrill, firm voice, so demanding and loud
She called out...

As with most journalism, for the moment, we’re all gonna have to say “Screw HIPAA”… GiggleMed.com has come across some disturbing medical records from one of the world’s most well-known personalities:

Let’s take a look to see some of the highlights (er, lowlights) from this man’s medical profile.

Obesity: January 3rd, 2001, Kris Kringle (his alias, I suppose) went to see his PCP, Dr. Klump, and is told he needs to lose at least fifty pounds to be within a safe weight range.

Diabetes: December 20th, 2004, Dr. Klump runs some tests and determines that Kris has very high blood sugar levels. The doctor urges him to be good this holiday season, and not indulge on snacks loaded with carbohydrates. On December 26th, 2004, Kris was admitted to the hospital after a night of cookie eating, complaining of dizziness.

Sleep Apnea: Mrs. Kringle calls Dr. Klump on March 15th, 2005 and asks what can be done about her husband’s snoring, as it worsens in his ‘off-season’. She noticed that during t...