Things You Never Want to Hear During a Disimpaction

Get This Hilarious Impaction Manual… Just Tell Me Something First :)

OK. You might think this is cheesy. But I’m going to issue a blatant free bribe… Here it goes: I will give you the funny report/download 25 Things You Never Want To Hear During a Disimpaction if you just tell me one of two things…

1 – Give me feedback on the GiggleMed sites – good or bad – just tell me what you think.

or

2 – Tell me a funny healthcare story… anything that happened to you or a colleague.

That’s it. Not too bad, huh? I mean, does it get any better than this? You tell me how much you love my stuff and I send you a free disimpaction manual. Even though I’m totally deceiving you with the picture having a spiral bound manual, you still know this is a sweet deal. So hop to it. Laughter is the best laxative (that’s how it goes, right?). 

OK. I’ve been compiling a list of funny doctors’ names. Yesterday I asked the help of some of my tweeps (friends on Twitter), so the list grew. The list is divided into three: (1) Interesting or kinda cool, (2) Specialty-name matches that are either funny or scary (especially those damn urologists), and (3) The No-Comment List. I have about 7 more that belong on the No-Comment List of Doctor names, but are way too far over the edge for me to post. 

1 – Interesting or Kinda Cool Doctors’ names: 

• Dr. Doctor
• Dr. Payne (there are lots of these)
• Dr. Blood
• Dr. Ricketts
• Dr. Stump
• Dr. Croke
• Dr. Killie
• Dr. Poke 

2 – Funny specialty-name matches that are either funny or scary: 

• Dr. Love (cardiologist)
• Dr. Schpritz (urologist)
• Dr. Di(ana) Mort (oncologist)
• Dr. Plack (cardiologist)
• Dr. Slaughter (surgeon)
• Dr. Zipper (urologist)
• Dr. Moorkath (cardiologist… it’s all about the procedures, baby)
• Dr. Klutz (surgeon)
• Dr. Fingers (gynecologist)
• Dr. Richard Chopp (urologist… do
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It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my snide comments in italics and parentheses)… Here’s another set of funny medical malapropisms for you. Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• I had a bisectomy ’cause of all them damn kids (it’s a shame it wasn’t done a generation earlier)
• Condition on Transfer: Much better than on presentation
• Assessment: Palpitations – please see monitor (What’s next? Systolic murmur – go ahead and listen with a stethoscope)
• I had a cartridge taken out of my knee (I hear you get a rebate for recycling those at Staples)
• He is blind in his right prosthesis (Dude, everyone is blind in their prosthesis)
• Echo with tumor vs trombus (one of those Jamaican clots)
• Social history: He used to abuse drugs remotely (boy… the technology today…)
• ROS: Neurological – no ambition
• Based on lab data, he has a stable perianal itch. (Number 1 – Is an ‘itch’ ever stable? Number 2 – What lab data?!)
• Old Timer’s
• Oldheimer’s
• Discharge Dia
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Check out these latest Hospital Hallway Funnies – from our collection of overheard and out of context conversations from our fellow healthcare professionals. Read some of these and you’ll begin to think professional should be in quotes.

We have collected hundreds of such quotes… specifically, quotes heard in the hospital that, without context, could be quite humorous. Here’s a recent sample from @GiggleMed Twitter posts:

If you’re not following @GiggleMed on Twitter, you are missing out on a series of hilarious medical humor tweets – Hospital Hallway Funnies.

It all started with a committee meeting when I heard another physician say, “As far as I’m concerned, the doctors shouldn’t have to do anything.” I wrote that statement down and put it on my desk…

I have since collected hundreds of quotes… specifically, quotes heard in the hospital that, without context, could be quite humorous. Here’s a recent sample from my Twitter posts:

Share any medical chart funnies you’ve seen with thousands of other GiggleMed readers, and I’ll give you a gift… Once you submit an original chart fart™, you’ll be redirected to your bribe free gift… a funny medical humor PDF download about all the signs that shouldn’t eat the hospital food.

==> Submit Chart Farts® <==

I just posted a new Chart Farts® video on YouTube…

It has all of the usual (hilarious) samples from the Chart Farts® collection… but this one has a twist at the end that will cause a small subset of you will wet yourself when you see it. The rest of you will just wonder… WTF? (hint: you have to be older than 30 to get it… or have some weird fascination with watching re-runs of old, 1980s sitcoms)

In any case, the Joint Commission won’t like it…

But hey, I laugh at doctor jokes… nurses laugh at nurse jokes…

(: medicine is fun again :) 

It’s time for your mid-month dose of hospital chart bloopers (with my under-the-breath side-comments in italics)… Here’s another group of funny medical malapropisms for you. All of these are from real hospital charts. Not ideal, but true… Chart Farts® (: real stuff. real charts :)

• Analpril 1.25mg Q8hrs (Is that for hyper-sphincter-tension?)
• Nasal packaging
• Nasal fungal cream
• He lives with his finance (So… are you thinking about your patient or the stock market?)
• Retrocele (Now in paisley!)
• Secular aneurysm (Will need intervention from the Surgical Right)
• She is on 93 Liters of oxygen (All of the latest hospital facilities come with wind tunnels)
• Wingworms (Sounds like something from the Princess Bride)
• Bypolor
• He has recently been on both aspirin, Plavix, prednisone, and Coumadin
• “Pain med: “”given”” Where/route: “”in room”” (Well… Thank you Nurse Sherlock)
• Breeding ulcer (No comment… uh… ok, one comment… We should discuss strategies on lower k values.)
• ROS: Unobtainab
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The response to our Chart Farts ® collection continues to be overwhelming… Tons of funny submissions, words of appreciation, and even a question or two from a rare disbeliever.

All of our Chart Farts® are original and all are actual malapropisms found in charts, uttered by healthcare professionals, or said by patients. Chart Fart Art ™ is simply one of these funny malapropisms put to comics. We have chosen some of our favorite chart bloopers from our Chart Farts ® collection and made corresponding healthcare funnies.

Here’s the latest…

… watching diarrhea is probably better than watching paint dry… well… if you’re into that sort of thing.

(not that there’s anything wrong with that)

Lots of people are facing hard financial times. And while everyone is reporting depressing news of layoffs and bankruptcies, I wanted to touch on some news that’s a little more practical (and funny). If you work in a hospital – nurses, techs, doctors, interns, administrators, NPs, PAs, etc – you should be aware of these “9 Signs that the Hospital is in Financial Trouble“. If you see anyone of these bad boys going on at your workplace, start looking for another job.

• Rent-a-catheter program
• The nurse and the physician ask for their portion of the bill each day.
• Discount on surgery in exchange for semi-permanent tattoo – “Like my CABG? Call 1-800-
• We-Cath1″
• When patients bring medicines to the hospital, the pills are collected, counted, and added to the hospital formulary.
• The 64-slice CT scanner is operated by a technician and Vinny, the “billing supervisor”.
• Triage includes collecting your bank routing number in addition to your insurance information.
• Napkins provided with you
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